The Salem Posse

John Black A.K.A. Rambo on Steroids: Owner of Basic Black. Sex Machine. Likes it rough.

Marlena Evans-Craig-Something, Something-Black: Satan's little helper. Won't mind her own business.

Brady Black: The other kid that Abe shot. Has finally resolved his feud with Marlena.

Belle Black: Skipper's body double. Got her head smashed while shaking her booty in front of an oncoming train.

Sami Brady A.K.A. Lola A.K.A. Bounce: Got horny one time with Lucas & contracted an STD called Will. Finally got custody of the little monkey. Wants Brandon's body, but he doesn't want hers.

Bo Brady A.K.A. Bobo Mime: Will work when convenient. Dreams of demon children.

Hope Williams-Brady A.K.A. Fancy Face A.K.A. Boobalicious: Ditz with big tits. Always losing her mind. Kidnapped, drugged & brainwashed John when she thought she was Gina to get him to have submarine sex with her.

Shawn Brady A.K.A. JustShawn: Belle wants to jump his bones. He won't let her.

Zack Brady: We still don't know who his real father is.

Doug & Julie Williams: Not afraid to experiment with incest.

Jennifer Horton: Spends her time arguing with Jack, screaming at people who have done nothing to her, and making faces.

Jack Deveraux: Stalks Jennifer in his spare time.

Abby Deveraux A.K.A. Baby: Jack and Jennifer's little girl. Has become one of the smartest people in Salem. Used to be as dumb as Austin. What a triumph!

Collin Murphy: Shady guy who blew Jennifer off in Ireland. Has moved to Salem and is also stalking Jennifer.

Brandon Walker A.K.A. Ducklips: This is who you call when you need someone to do your dirty work. This includes rigging DNA tests and ending custody battles for stupid children.

Nicole Walker A.K.A. Misty Circle A.K.A. Locker Room Lolita: It's better to sell it than to give it away.

Fay Walker: Nicole the Hole's mommy who still holds a torch for her ex-lover Abe.

Victor Kiriakis: Kicked the Salem Freeloaders out of his house.

Philip Kiriakis: Another one of Kate's spoiled offspring. Goes to the hospital sporadically to get his head examined.

Kate Roberts: Biggest fan of the fries at the Hudson Street Diner.

Lucas Roberts: Spends way too much time with his mother.

Will Roberts: Stupid enough to be Austin's son. Ugly enough too. Shows symptoms of retardation.

Alice Horton: Nosy old biddy. Nobody eats her donuts.

Maggie Horton: Has no life. Owns Tuscany. Likes to dress up in ballroom gowns.

Mickey Horton: Resident attorney who FINALLY won a case.

Craig Wesley: The Hand Spring Kid. Nancy's husband. Nancy helped him become C.O.S. at the hospital by exposing Mike's affair with Carrie.

Nancy Wesley: Chloe's mother. Violates elderly men.

Chloe Lane: Nancy's bastard teenager. Sings opera in inappropriate situations.

Abe Carver: Can't make babies. Married to a crazy woman. Police Commander who can never seem to solve a case.

Lexie Carver: Crazy and stupid at the same time. Isn't that sad? Did headstands because she was trying to get pregnant. Used to beat people up in the name of the law. Now she rocks a blanket to sleep at night.

Celeste Perrault: Runner up for biggest boobs in Salem. Dresses like a hoochie.

Stefano DiMera A.K.A. Stuffy: Reigning Pimp of Salem. Rather Buffoonish. Thinks he's God. The man who had 2000 children.

Bart A.K.A. Bartina: Possible transsexual. Makes for an ugly woman. Dumb as doo-doo. But not as dumb as Austin.

Rolf A.K.A. Rolfina A.K.A. Dr. Frankenstein: Another possible transsexual. Insane in the membrane. Murders people to protect Stefano. Lexie kicked his @$$ in a parking lot.

Roman Brady: Lives at the police station. Likes to harass Kate.

Mimi Lockhart: Another member of the big titty bunch. Eats food out of trash cans.


	Last Updated: June 11, 2002 Updated Characters: Brady, Sami, Lucas John Black A.K.A. Rambo on Steroids: Owner of Basic Black. Sex Machine. Likes it rough. Marlena Evans-Craig-Something, Something-Black: Satan's little helper. Won't mind her own business. Brady Black: The other kid that Abe shot. Has finally resolved his feud with Marlena. Belle Black: Skipper's body double. Got her head smashed while shaking her booty in front of an oncoming train. Sami Brady A.K.A. Lola A.K.A. Bounce: Got horny one time with Lucas & contracted an STD called Will. Finally got custody of the little monkey. Wants Brandon's body, but he doesn't want hers. Bo Brady A.K.A. Bobo Mime: Will work when convenient. Dreams of demon children. Hope Williams-Brady A.K.A. Fancy Face A.K.A. Boobalicious: Ditz with big tits. Always losing her mind. Kidnapped, drugged & brainwashed John when she thought she was Gina to get him to have submarine sex with her. Shawn Brady A.K.A. JustShawn: Belle wants to jump his bones. He won't let her. Zack Brady: We still don't know who his real father is. Doug & Julie Williams: Not afraid to experiment with incest. Jennifer Horton: Spends her time arguing with Jack, screaming at people who have done nothing to her, and making faces. Jack Deveraux: Stalks Jennifer in his spare time. Abby Deveraux A.K.A. Baby: Jack and Jennifer's little girl. Has become one of the smartest people in Salem. Used to be as dumb as Austin. What a triumph! Collin Murphy: Shady guy who blew Jennifer off in Ireland. Has moved to Salem and is also stalking Jennifer. Brandon Walker A.K.A. Ducklips: This is who you call when you need someone to do your dirty work. This includes rigging DNA tests and ending custody battles for stupid children. Nicole Walker A.K.A. Misty Circle A.K.A. Locker Room Lolita: It's better to sell it than to give it away. Fay Walker: Nicole the Hole's mommy who still holds a torch for her ex-lover Abe. Victor Kiriakis: Kicked the Salem Freeloaders out of his house. Philip Kiriakis: Another one of Kate's spoiled offspring. Goes to the hospital sporadically to get his head examined. Kate Roberts: Biggest fan of the fries at the Hudson Street Diner. Lucas Roberts: Spends way too much time with his mother. Will Roberts: Stupid enough to be Austin's son. Ugly enough too. Shows symptoms of retardation. Alice Horton: Nosy old biddy. Nobody eats her donuts. Maggie Horton: Has no life. Owns Tuscany. Likes to dress up in ballroom gowns. Mickey Horton: Resident attorney who FINALLY won a case. Craig Wesley: The Hand Spring Kid. Nancy's husband. Nancy helped him become C.O.S. at the hospital by exposing Mike's affair with Carrie. Nancy Wesley: Chloe's mother. Violates elderly men. Chloe Lane: Nancy's bastard teenager. Sings opera in inappropriate situations. Abe Carver: Can't make babies. Married to a crazy woman. Police Commander who can never seem to solve a case. Lexie Carver: Crazy and stupid at the same time. Isn't that sad? Did headstands because she was trying to get pregnant. Used to beat people up in the name of the law. Now she rocks a blanket to sleep at night. Celeste Perrault: Runner up for biggest boobs in Salem. Dresses like a hoochie. Stefano DiMera A.K.A. Stuffy: Reigning Pimp of Salem. Rather Buffoonish. Thinks he's God. The man who had 2000 children. Bart A.K.A. Bartina: Possible transsexual. Makes for an ugly woman. Dumb as doo-doo. But not as dumb as Austin. Rolf A.K.A. Rolfina A.K.A. Dr. Frankenstein: Another possible transsexual. Insane in the membrane. Murders people to protect Stefano. Lexie kicked his @$$ in a parking lot. Roman Brady: Lives at the police station. Likes to harass Kate. Mimi Lockhart: Another member of the big titty bunch. Eats food out of trash cans.